It's just a few days till the beginning of Frameline's 35th International LGBT film festival. I've been going to this for roughly the last 12 years. I don't have time to see all the movies, after all I'm not a masochist, at least not at this point in my life, but I do take in anywhere from 10 to 15 films over the course of 10 days. Still a tough schedule since I'm not taking any time off from work to do this, plus not being a member of Frameline (it's a little too pricey and I don't have that much time) means I have to stand in the also ran line and have to get there early enough so that when we are let into the theater I have a chance to find one seat that isn't in the first 3 rows or at the very very back of the upper balcony where the rows are so close together it would be more like an orgy if people didn't have their clothes on.
Let's face it, for anyone who has been to a festival it's always a crap shoot as to quality, theme, acting, etc. for what you will get from the movies. And honestly, if you believe the write ups in the festival guide then every movie is a glowing, exquisitely crafted journey of phenomenal depth and passion sure to stir the soul. No seriously, the way they describe stuff you'd think everything was a Cannes Palm d'Or winner or something. But, alas, they are not. In fact the vast majority are far from it. Don't get me wrong, there are some good movies, a few (very few) really good movies, some okay movies, some "didn't hate it" movies and of course an awful lot of not good, terrible, I should have walked out but maybe it will get better (they don't) dreck.
That's why I am here to guide you through the verbage of these seemingly innocuous guides and help you understand what the words mean and what to look for in the descriptions. I believe these keys will help guide you through the descriptions in any film festival guide whether it be German, Cartoon or the dreaded Independent. Herewith, the key words and phrases one should look for in festival guides, and what they really mean:
"First Feature"--this is a biggie. Since a majority of films in the festival usually a filmmakers first feature (meaning a full length film not a short), you see this phrase a lot. Granted it may not be applied to all films, but more than likely this first feature will be a challenge to get through. So when picking first features be prepared for basically anything.
"Experimental"--my only advice when you see this is...run, run screaming as far away as you can from anything with this tag. Unless you are into pain and suffering, and I mean the audience not the people in the film, then don't bother. Really...you will thank me for this.
"Beautifully Shot"--this really means boring as there will be long panning shots of landscape, hillsides, trees blowing in the wind, water crashing on rocks, people falling asleep in the audience. It usually happens when "first timers" are trying to stretch what was previously a short film into a 90 minute film without actually writing any additional dialogue or plotlines. I nice nap though.
"From France"--again run away. This film will be non-sensical, have lots of people smoking and yelling, and just when you think it might get interesting it will end for NO APPARENT REASON! Plus you have to read those subtitles which still won't help you understand what the f*** is going on.
"Riotously Funny"--means one line may have made the judges panel laugh out loud but the rest of the time is spent trying to set up one bad joke after another. In ten years it may have the possibility of being midnight movie camp classic, but in the moment, not so much. Which leads me to...
"Camp Classic"--this basically means bad acting, bad dialogue, cheesy music, terrible camera work, possibly some bad singing, the list goes on. As with the above, could be much better if you were drunk.
"Two Young Boys..."--yeah there is no way around this, it's a ped movie and will make you feel creepy, slightly icky watching it. If this offends some out there, well, tough. You probably knew what you were getting when you bought the tickets.
"Touching Tale"--slow, boring (probably lesbian) story that runs 30 minutes too long and is fraught with loads of angst.
"Starts at Midnight"--nuff' said.
"Set in Thailand"--see two young boys. Then again some people are into that, and there is nothing wrong with that, it's a free country.
"Documentary"--ok, maybe it's just me, but I usually avoid docs at festivals. It's one thing if it's on PBS or National Geographic, it's quite another when it's in an independent film festival.
"A Cinematic Experience"--this is a catch-all that can pretty much describe every film playing in the festival...it will not help you in any way. So be warned and disregard, it's a throwaway term.
Hopefully this will be handy guide to lead you through the bombs just waiting to suck your brain out and you can save some money to grab some food between movies you really want to see. Of course, you are asking why go if there are so many potential minefields? For me, I just like to support LGBT artists and watching representations of me on film after being bombarded by people not me on a daily basis. And just maybe, there will be that one gem that makes me happy I took the chance, and so should you.
Answer to previous post trivia question: Kevin Bacon had a brief stint on Guiding Light.
This posts trivia question: What is the oldest Gay and Lesbian film Festival?
Let's face it, for anyone who has been to a festival it's always a crap shoot as to quality, theme, acting, etc. for what you will get from the movies. And honestly, if you believe the write ups in the festival guide then every movie is a glowing, exquisitely crafted journey of phenomenal depth and passion sure to stir the soul. No seriously, the way they describe stuff you'd think everything was a Cannes Palm d'Or winner or something. But, alas, they are not. In fact the vast majority are far from it. Don't get me wrong, there are some good movies, a few (very few) really good movies, some okay movies, some "didn't hate it" movies and of course an awful lot of not good, terrible, I should have walked out but maybe it will get better (they don't) dreck.
That's why I am here to guide you through the verbage of these seemingly innocuous guides and help you understand what the words mean and what to look for in the descriptions. I believe these keys will help guide you through the descriptions in any film festival guide whether it be German, Cartoon or the dreaded Independent. Herewith, the key words and phrases one should look for in festival guides, and what they really mean:
"First Feature"--this is a biggie. Since a majority of films in the festival usually a filmmakers first feature (meaning a full length film not a short), you see this phrase a lot. Granted it may not be applied to all films, but more than likely this first feature will be a challenge to get through. So when picking first features be prepared for basically anything.
"Experimental"--my only advice when you see this is...run, run screaming as far away as you can from anything with this tag. Unless you are into pain and suffering, and I mean the audience not the people in the film, then don't bother. Really...you will thank me for this.
"Beautifully Shot"--this really means boring as there will be long panning shots of landscape, hillsides, trees blowing in the wind, water crashing on rocks, people falling asleep in the audience. It usually happens when "first timers" are trying to stretch what was previously a short film into a 90 minute film without actually writing any additional dialogue or plotlines. I nice nap though.
"From France"--again run away. This film will be non-sensical, have lots of people smoking and yelling, and just when you think it might get interesting it will end for NO APPARENT REASON! Plus you have to read those subtitles which still won't help you understand what the f*** is going on.
"Riotously Funny"--means one line may have made the judges panel laugh out loud but the rest of the time is spent trying to set up one bad joke after another. In ten years it may have the possibility of being midnight movie camp classic, but in the moment, not so much. Which leads me to...
"Camp Classic"--this basically means bad acting, bad dialogue, cheesy music, terrible camera work, possibly some bad singing, the list goes on. As with the above, could be much better if you were drunk.
"Two Young Boys..."--yeah there is no way around this, it's a ped movie and will make you feel creepy, slightly icky watching it. If this offends some out there, well, tough. You probably knew what you were getting when you bought the tickets.
"Touching Tale"--slow, boring (probably lesbian) story that runs 30 minutes too long and is fraught with loads of angst.
"Starts at Midnight"--nuff' said.
"Set in Thailand"--see two young boys. Then again some people are into that, and there is nothing wrong with that, it's a free country.
"Documentary"--ok, maybe it's just me, but I usually avoid docs at festivals. It's one thing if it's on PBS or National Geographic, it's quite another when it's in an independent film festival.
"A Cinematic Experience"--this is a catch-all that can pretty much describe every film playing in the festival...it will not help you in any way. So be warned and disregard, it's a throwaway term.
Hopefully this will be handy guide to lead you through the bombs just waiting to suck your brain out and you can save some money to grab some food between movies you really want to see. Of course, you are asking why go if there are so many potential minefields? For me, I just like to support LGBT artists and watching representations of me on film after being bombarded by people not me on a daily basis. And just maybe, there will be that one gem that makes me happy I took the chance, and so should you.
Answer to previous post trivia question: Kevin Bacon had a brief stint on Guiding Light.
This posts trivia question: What is the oldest Gay and Lesbian film Festival?
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