And so television has come to this and quite literally is going to the dogs. Discovery Communications, the company that brings you all those Discovery Channels and Animal Planet has decided to back financially the expansion of DogTV. The channel is currently available to DirecTV subscribers for an additional $5 a month and purports to provide relaxation, stimulation and exposure (?) programming aimed at dogs and their obviously obsessive owners. You should really check out their homepage with the dog next to the little girl. When you see it you can't tell me the eyes on that dog don't have a WTF look in them. But seriously people is this really necessary? As if all the shopping channels clogging up our pay cable services weren't enough useless airwave stuffing they had to add this, and it's not even for humans (supposedly). Give them a tv channel and now they won't want to leave the house, they will become overweight sloths who sit/lay around indoors all day staring at the big screen. It's bad enough it's happened to the kids these days do we really need to add fat dogs to the mix.
It really is the ultimate in taking the "my pet is a substitute kid" just a bit too far. As if the clothes and toys they make for dogs wasn't already too much. Maybe it's all part of DogTV's plan though to create a generation of chunky dogs and then come out with weight loss dog food and other items to help get your pet back in shape to run free in the park and smell other dogs butts again. Or maybe it's cats behind all this in some master plan to eventually use the channel to subvert and hypnotize dogs through the programming to do their bidding and eventually RULE THE WORLD! HA HA! Ugh..cats.
Then there's the question of what will the shows be that air on this channel. I've thought (way too much) about this and here's some ideas they are free to use:
BALL!--create an hour of enjoyment by having your dog chase a ball back and forth across the screen! Kind of like old school Atari Pong but on a giant flat screen tv.
Cats Undercover--see dogs disguise themselves up to discover the fascinatingly indifferent world of cats. Find out why they don't care and....well, that's pretty much it.
Butt Sniff 101--the dos and don'ts of greeting your neighbor--comes with it's own paw and sniff cards.
SQUIRREL!--replace ball with squirrel and see above.
Barkology--how to bark hours on end for no reason whatsoever.
Dog Foodie-licious--how to appreciate the finer bites of kibbles and bits and table scraps for connoisseurs.
Your Vet and You-- how to get the most out of your visit to the vet and the right questions to bark.
The New Pup--how to cope when the family brings home another dog.
I could go on but I won't as I'm sure you folks can come up with some of your own favorites. The question in all this of course is how will something like this make any money? In order to really monetize this you'd need more than just subscribers, as they'd top out at a point, you'd need advertising and for that you need owners who'd want to watch and then willingly open their wallets to spoil their pet even further. As it stands now the only folks who might find hours of moving images with no talking even remotely interesting are stoners and they are a pretty unreliable bunch who'd probably rather spend money on pot and pizza.
If there is anyone who could pull this off though it's probably Discovery, they have somehow managed to make The Puppy Bowl a thing folks actually want to watch. Plus they have that other show Too Cute, which is basically puppies and kittens just rolling around and being cute. At this point it remains to be seen if this will take off, though I won't be just sitting on my haunches waiting to find out. TV is not something dogs need, just give them a ball or bone, take them for a walk or run and feed them and they will be your friend for life. They don't need all the frippery because it doesn't matter to them, I mean they are not cats, which are a whole other story.
It really is the ultimate in taking the "my pet is a substitute kid" just a bit too far. As if the clothes and toys they make for dogs wasn't already too much. Maybe it's all part of DogTV's plan though to create a generation of chunky dogs and then come out with weight loss dog food and other items to help get your pet back in shape to run free in the park and smell other dogs butts again. Or maybe it's cats behind all this in some master plan to eventually use the channel to subvert and hypnotize dogs through the programming to do their bidding and eventually RULE THE WORLD! HA HA! Ugh..cats.
Then there's the question of what will the shows be that air on this channel. I've thought (way too much) about this and here's some ideas they are free to use:
BALL!--create an hour of enjoyment by having your dog chase a ball back and forth across the screen! Kind of like old school Atari Pong but on a giant flat screen tv.
Cats Undercover--see dogs disguise themselves up to discover the fascinatingly indifferent world of cats. Find out why they don't care and....well, that's pretty much it.
Butt Sniff 101--the dos and don'ts of greeting your neighbor--comes with it's own paw and sniff cards.
SQUIRREL!--replace ball with squirrel and see above.
Barkology--how to bark hours on end for no reason whatsoever.
Dog Foodie-licious--how to appreciate the finer bites of kibbles and bits and table scraps for connoisseurs.
Your Vet and You-- how to get the most out of your visit to the vet and the right questions to bark.
The New Pup--how to cope when the family brings home another dog.
I could go on but I won't as I'm sure you folks can come up with some of your own favorites. The question in all this of course is how will something like this make any money? In order to really monetize this you'd need more than just subscribers, as they'd top out at a point, you'd need advertising and for that you need owners who'd want to watch and then willingly open their wallets to spoil their pet even further. As it stands now the only folks who might find hours of moving images with no talking even remotely interesting are stoners and they are a pretty unreliable bunch who'd probably rather spend money on pot and pizza.
If there is anyone who could pull this off though it's probably Discovery, they have somehow managed to make The Puppy Bowl a thing folks actually want to watch. Plus they have that other show Too Cute, which is basically puppies and kittens just rolling around and being cute. At this point it remains to be seen if this will take off, though I won't be just sitting on my haunches waiting to find out. TV is not something dogs need, just give them a ball or bone, take them for a walk or run and feed them and they will be your friend for life. They don't need all the frippery because it doesn't matter to them, I mean they are not cats, which are a whole other story.
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