Dear Ms. Carey (nee Mrs. Cannon),
several weeks ago rumors began to circulate that you would be a new judge on American Idol this year and after denials, evasiveness and even your own husband saying they couldn't afford you--3 days and $17 million a year later you were announced to be on board. I've thought long and hard and decided to write you this note in hopes that you would heed some advice and basically try not to suck in the role like some of the past judges. Keep in mind I say these things as a regular fan since I'm not that gay, I mean not like an old drag queen roommate I had in DC who did you as his act and would rush out to buy every 12" single, cd single, album, cd, cassette single, whatever you released so he could learn it and perform it in his act that evening. He even had the Glitter stuff and I mean come on, that is a dedicated gay for you if there ever was one. No I'm just a fan, mostly of your pop years, who does have most all the songs you've done (downloads are great to create one's own greatest hits package without the filler) and would like to see you re-achieve some relevance in today's music landscape since it has been a few years since that last cd and, well, we all know it didn't quite live up to expectations.
Once I heard the news I figured that you probably would try to take the opportunity, as others previously had, to drop some new music to coincide with your new gig and that you did with "Triumphant" featuring rappers Rick Ross and Meek Mill. Though I have to say you are not getting off on the right foot with this as here you seem more like the featured artist singing only the chorus and and few choice words. Ross and Mill are doing the heavy lifting. As I stated before I'm more a fan of the pop years, "Vision of Love" and "Fantasy" and prefer the dance poppy remixes of this song. Now granted you are the queen of the R&B collabo-song and have had some jams in the past but this is not your finest hour. You should be careful not to fall into the Madonna trap--she has gone too far dance and not enough pop and you are headed too far hip-hop and alienating a hardcore pop music buying faction (Beyonce also learned this lesson on her last album). Seriously--Carly Rae Jepsen can tell you how good it is to have an 8 week number one song.
Moving on to American Idol, I would like to say my one big request is to actually be a judge and give valid real criticisms when warranted and praise when earned. We've had the syrupy treacle of Paula "everyone is so great" Abdul to Ellen "I'm just going to tell a joke and not judge" Degeneres to Kara "I'm confused who to be" DioGuardi to Randy "dog that was off the hook" Jackson to whatever that mess of Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler was and of course the outright bitterness of Simon "moobs" Cowell. Please don't be them. And please don't be crazy, MTV breakdown, what are you wearing Mariah. We've already had Paula's drug haze kookiness, it's been done and we don't need it anymore. (And yes people love a good train-wreck, many websites flourish because of it, but please leave it to Britney/Demi on X Factor.) American Idol itself is trying to stay relevant and what better way to help that cause then to be the kind of judge we rarely ever see (on any of these talent shows). One that is competent, knowledgeable and helpful. Nobody says you have to suffer fools lightly but you also shouldn't blow false-hope smoke up their asses either. You've got pipes, that is undisputed, you've managed to be around in the music business for nearly 20 years, you escaped the Svengali clutches of Tommy Mottola for gooodness sakes and if you can overcome those emotional scars surely you can be the kind of balanced fair/mean judge this show needs. Especially if they are to truly find a pop singing idol instead of some country crooner of god forbid another gravelly voiced dude who plays a guitar in coffee shops. This isn't the 70's anymore and depending on who else they add to the judging panel you could really make a difference and actually help make a new pop singing star.
Keep in mind I say these things because we care. We gays like our divas, sure we bitch and moan about them sometimes, but that's just because it's a requirement. We enjoy your diva ways but we just don't want you to forget about us since we were there from the beginning and will be there until the bitter end--it is what's keeping Carol Channing and Liza Minnelli's careers alive and it can do the same for you. So in the immortal words of the drag queen diva of them all, RuPaul--"it's time to lip-sync for your life and remember--don't fuck it up!"
Sincerely,
A.W. Esquire
pop music fan
several weeks ago rumors began to circulate that you would be a new judge on American Idol this year and after denials, evasiveness and even your own husband saying they couldn't afford you--3 days and $17 million a year later you were announced to be on board. I've thought long and hard and decided to write you this note in hopes that you would heed some advice and basically try not to suck in the role like some of the past judges. Keep in mind I say these things as a regular fan since I'm not that gay, I mean not like an old drag queen roommate I had in DC who did you as his act and would rush out to buy every 12" single, cd single, album, cd, cassette single, whatever you released so he could learn it and perform it in his act that evening. He even had the Glitter stuff and I mean come on, that is a dedicated gay for you if there ever was one. No I'm just a fan, mostly of your pop years, who does have most all the songs you've done (downloads are great to create one's own greatest hits package without the filler) and would like to see you re-achieve some relevance in today's music landscape since it has been a few years since that last cd and, well, we all know it didn't quite live up to expectations.
Once I heard the news I figured that you probably would try to take the opportunity, as others previously had, to drop some new music to coincide with your new gig and that you did with "Triumphant" featuring rappers Rick Ross and Meek Mill. Though I have to say you are not getting off on the right foot with this as here you seem more like the featured artist singing only the chorus and and few choice words. Ross and Mill are doing the heavy lifting. As I stated before I'm more a fan of the pop years, "Vision of Love" and "Fantasy" and prefer the dance poppy remixes of this song. Now granted you are the queen of the R&B collabo-song and have had some jams in the past but this is not your finest hour. You should be careful not to fall into the Madonna trap--she has gone too far dance and not enough pop and you are headed too far hip-hop and alienating a hardcore pop music buying faction (Beyonce also learned this lesson on her last album). Seriously--Carly Rae Jepsen can tell you how good it is to have an 8 week number one song.
Moving on to American Idol, I would like to say my one big request is to actually be a judge and give valid real criticisms when warranted and praise when earned. We've had the syrupy treacle of Paula "everyone is so great" Abdul to Ellen "I'm just going to tell a joke and not judge" Degeneres to Kara "I'm confused who to be" DioGuardi to Randy "dog that was off the hook" Jackson to whatever that mess of Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler was and of course the outright bitterness of Simon "moobs" Cowell. Please don't be them. And please don't be crazy, MTV breakdown, what are you wearing Mariah. We've already had Paula's drug haze kookiness, it's been done and we don't need it anymore. (And yes people love a good train-wreck, many websites flourish because of it, but please leave it to Britney/Demi on X Factor.) American Idol itself is trying to stay relevant and what better way to help that cause then to be the kind of judge we rarely ever see (on any of these talent shows). One that is competent, knowledgeable and helpful. Nobody says you have to suffer fools lightly but you also shouldn't blow false-hope smoke up their asses either. You've got pipes, that is undisputed, you've managed to be around in the music business for nearly 20 years, you escaped the Svengali clutches of Tommy Mottola for gooodness sakes and if you can overcome those emotional scars surely you can be the kind of balanced fair/mean judge this show needs. Especially if they are to truly find a pop singing idol instead of some country crooner of god forbid another gravelly voiced dude who plays a guitar in coffee shops. This isn't the 70's anymore and depending on who else they add to the judging panel you could really make a difference and actually help make a new pop singing star.
Keep in mind I say these things because we care. We gays like our divas, sure we bitch and moan about them sometimes, but that's just because it's a requirement. We enjoy your diva ways but we just don't want you to forget about us since we were there from the beginning and will be there until the bitter end--it is what's keeping Carol Channing and Liza Minnelli's careers alive and it can do the same for you. So in the immortal words of the drag queen diva of them all, RuPaul--"it's time to lip-sync for your life and remember--don't fuck it up!"
Sincerely,
A.W. Esquire
pop music fan
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