It was just another ordinary Friday. Business was a bit slow and I thought "Hey, why not leave a little early and hit the gym before the after work crowd rush. I can get in and get out." I grab my stuff and head out the door. The good thing about my gym is that it is halfway between my work and where I leave. I've been going there for over 10 years. Not everyday, of course, because I'm not a total gym bunny obsessive and I admit to the occasional laziness. Sometimes plopping on the couch and doing nothing is a lot more appealing that chugging away on the treadmill or elliptical. This day I feel a certain spring in my step from leaving early and look forward to going.
Now my gym has it's usual core of regulars and everyone knows who they are. Like the old pervy guy who takes an hour to change into his workout clothes, then wanders around between the weight room and the locker room pretending to workout, but actually cruising guys who just role their eyes and keep lifting. Or the "sweater" (as in perspirer) who sweats all over the equipment and watches himself lifting but can't seem to remember to bring a towel or use one of the paper towels the gym provides to WIPE DOWN THE DAMN EQUIPMENT AFTER HE IS DONE! (Yes I have an issue.) Then there's the chatters, usually a group of 4 or 5 who do the free weights while gossiping about who did who with what in the study with the candlestick while the maid watched or whatever. And the grunter, every time they lift they give a loud "ungh!" Everything seems to be an effort for him, including getting water from the fountain--"ungh!" But luckily I've never really run across anyone I've currently worked with, a small blessing in itself. I really go to the gym, for exercise yes, blah, blah, but also to get away for my own space and time.
I enter the locker room and round one corner and ugh, the pervy guy, I always try to change far away from him. I turn around and head to the other end of the lockers. As I turn a corner, oh Hello!, there's a naked guy bending over buns in the air. Fortunately I stopped quickly enough or we'd have had a more personal greeting. As I was turning around to find another space, the guy pops up and turns and--whoa boy full frontal! I step back a little trying not to be a gawking pervy guy myself and look up into the face--(holy crap) a fellow co-worker. Awkward does not even begin to describe the emotions roiling across my mind. As a point of reference, I work at a place with nearly 200 folks in 2 different buildings. I don't know everyone or their names but I do recognize faces that I see semi-regulary. This guy (who I shall not name to protect a probably mutual embarrassment) I had seen around, given the head nod to, but never really spoken to. Trying to think on feet, "Oh, hey, didn't know you worked out here, hadn't seen you here before." "Yeah, I try to come around 4 and get out before the 5pm rush," he says. Ok, I'm tapped out so I just nod my head like one of those stupid dogs people put on the dashboard of their cars. He grabs his towel and says, "good to see you, gotta hit the shower now." "Yeah, great," (ok that was stupid) "gotta get to my workout." And off he goes, ass out, to the shower. As I sit here and think about it, I could have handled it with more aplomb, but let's face it, when you are trying not to stare and a persons junk, it's all your brain can think about. Don't stare, don't stare, don't stare, he's not as hairy as I thought he'd be, I'm sorry what, did you say something?
Further rumination has lead me to the following do's and don'ts about seeing your co-worker naked:
Do look them in the eye. Don't stare at their man parts. Yes all guys want to take a peek and compare themselves to others, it's only natural. But peaking and standing there mouth agape and eyes bulging are totally different. Manners people.
Do act natural. Don't giggle like a little girl and point. They may mis-interpret and, well, it's just wildly inappropriate.
Just because you saw theirs doesn't mean you have to show them yours. Your adults not 12 year olds on a camp out (another story for another time). Unless of course you feel some spark and you are both leering and one of you isn't the others manager and you don't work in the same department and HR has cleared you and cows jump over the moon.
Don't slap them on the ass and say "have a good workout!" Don't ask "Do you wax?" "Ooo...are you European?" Don't say "Boy, the water must be cold.""Do you smell that?" One's best bet is to smile politely and continue to make direct eye contact.
Do breathe and try to relax and realize that it was bound to happen sooner or later and that the real hard part (minds out of the gutter) will be seeing them at work the next day and trying not to shout "Hey I saw you naked yesterday!" Decorum should be your mantra.
And if all else fails just pretend it NEVER HAPPENED...cuz' as they say denial is not just a river in Egypt people and waspy repression is the name of the game!
As a postscript, I did run into him the next morning, he introduced himself, so now I had a name, which I still won't share. So at least I can say hi instead of the head nod when I see him because hey, I have seen him naked after all.
Answer to previous post trivia question: Wilma was the most powerful Atlantic hurricane on record
New trivia question: Where was the first nude beach in the United States?
Now my gym has it's usual core of regulars and everyone knows who they are. Like the old pervy guy who takes an hour to change into his workout clothes, then wanders around between the weight room and the locker room pretending to workout, but actually cruising guys who just role their eyes and keep lifting. Or the "sweater" (as in perspirer) who sweats all over the equipment and watches himself lifting but can't seem to remember to bring a towel or use one of the paper towels the gym provides to WIPE DOWN THE DAMN EQUIPMENT AFTER HE IS DONE! (Yes I have an issue.) Then there's the chatters, usually a group of 4 or 5 who do the free weights while gossiping about who did who with what in the study with the candlestick while the maid watched or whatever. And the grunter, every time they lift they give a loud "ungh!" Everything seems to be an effort for him, including getting water from the fountain--"ungh!" But luckily I've never really run across anyone I've currently worked with, a small blessing in itself. I really go to the gym, for exercise yes, blah, blah, but also to get away for my own space and time.
I enter the locker room and round one corner and ugh, the pervy guy, I always try to change far away from him. I turn around and head to the other end of the lockers. As I turn a corner, oh Hello!, there's a naked guy bending over buns in the air. Fortunately I stopped quickly enough or we'd have had a more personal greeting. As I was turning around to find another space, the guy pops up and turns and--whoa boy full frontal! I step back a little trying not to be a gawking pervy guy myself and look up into the face--(holy crap) a fellow co-worker. Awkward does not even begin to describe the emotions roiling across my mind. As a point of reference, I work at a place with nearly 200 folks in 2 different buildings. I don't know everyone or their names but I do recognize faces that I see semi-regulary. This guy (who I shall not name to protect a probably mutual embarrassment) I had seen around, given the head nod to, but never really spoken to. Trying to think on feet, "Oh, hey, didn't know you worked out here, hadn't seen you here before." "Yeah, I try to come around 4 and get out before the 5pm rush," he says. Ok, I'm tapped out so I just nod my head like one of those stupid dogs people put on the dashboard of their cars. He grabs his towel and says, "good to see you, gotta hit the shower now." "Yeah, great," (ok that was stupid) "gotta get to my workout." And off he goes, ass out, to the shower. As I sit here and think about it, I could have handled it with more aplomb, but let's face it, when you are trying not to stare and a persons junk, it's all your brain can think about. Don't stare, don't stare, don't stare, he's not as hairy as I thought he'd be, I'm sorry what, did you say something?
Further rumination has lead me to the following do's and don'ts about seeing your co-worker naked:
Do look them in the eye. Don't stare at their man parts. Yes all guys want to take a peek and compare themselves to others, it's only natural. But peaking and standing there mouth agape and eyes bulging are totally different. Manners people.
Do act natural. Don't giggle like a little girl and point. They may mis-interpret and, well, it's just wildly inappropriate.
Just because you saw theirs doesn't mean you have to show them yours. Your adults not 12 year olds on a camp out (another story for another time). Unless of course you feel some spark and you are both leering and one of you isn't the others manager and you don't work in the same department and HR has cleared you and cows jump over the moon.
Don't slap them on the ass and say "have a good workout!" Don't ask "Do you wax?" "Ooo...are you European?" Don't say "Boy, the water must be cold.""Do you smell that?" One's best bet is to smile politely and continue to make direct eye contact.
Do breathe and try to relax and realize that it was bound to happen sooner or later and that the real hard part (minds out of the gutter) will be seeing them at work the next day and trying not to shout "Hey I saw you naked yesterday!" Decorum should be your mantra.
And if all else fails just pretend it NEVER HAPPENED...cuz' as they say denial is not just a river in Egypt people and waspy repression is the name of the game!
As a postscript, I did run into him the next morning, he introduced himself, so now I had a name, which I still won't share. So at least I can say hi instead of the head nod when I see him because hey, I have seen him naked after all.
Answer to previous post trivia question: Wilma was the most powerful Atlantic hurricane on record
New trivia question: Where was the first nude beach in the United States?
This was amazing:)
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