The National Hurricane Center has just released their list of the names for the start of the swirly, rainy bad weather season for those who live on the East Coast and it's a doozy. There are the possibility of 21 named storms occurring this year. Used to be hurricanes were only named after women but several years ago due to some feminist Camille Paglia-ness men's names were brought into the mix. Now, some of these I can get behind--Hurrican Irene just rolls off the tongue and it's especially good because these days anyone named Irene is probably somewhere between 60 and dead and teaching algebra or geometry in high school and we all usually despise those crones for their massive amounts of homework and rose powder and moth ball scented clothing. And Arlene, another good old school name like one of those waitresses past her prime in a coffee shop smelling of cigarettes and coffee and a voice as rough as a gravel road--"You want bacon with that sonny?" I can also get behind hurricane Whitney, I mean, seriously, who isn't thinking Whitney 'crack is whack' Houston? A whirlwind in her own right, the only thing better would be hurricane Bobby! (One should really check out Kathy Griffin talking about Whitney and doing her impression--hi-larious!) Then there is Katia--scary Russian spy--dangerous dark cloud--one and the same. Or Gert---short for Getrude? What is this 1930? Though Gertrude Stein was kind of big and scary so I'll let this one go. Some of the guy names are okay, Vince, very strong, world of wrestling type of name. Maybe Jose, but more from a dark and sexy warm wind blowing through kind of way. But the rest on the list.....well....
Let's start with Cindy, yes Cindy, that's not a storm, that's the youngest child on the Brady Bunch or the girl selling cookies down the street. It's bright, sunny, cheery and skipping down the sidewalk, not blowing the shutters off your house. Or Tammy, that's a 60's beach babe from a Frankie and Annette movie, I mean why not just call one Gidget for God's sake. And Ophelia, depressing, unless your a Shakespeare fanatic, or goth girl with a penchant for black and Lilith fair. Then there's Maria, if there are that many storms this year and it's a bad one, no one will ever be able to watch The Sound of Music
again, not to mention to unfortunate field day newsmen would have with nuns singing "(How Do You Solve A Problem Like) Maria". Then there's every Catholic girl in South America who will be totally offended. Ugh, the guy names, Philippe, granted it could bring up visions of a rude French guy with a penchant for cigarettes and not bathing. Or for folks like me you might think Ryan Phillippe, the guy who broke Reese Witherspoon's heart, or maybe that's just me. Franklin, that's a geeky kid with skinny arms and legs who spends too much time at the library avoiding the sun. Hey I'm Don, a smarmy car salesman who wants to glad hand you into a lemon, not a powerful storm ravaging your town. Harvey, a giant invisible rabbit
, a wallbanger of a drink, a scary movie mogul (ok maybe that one does work) but not a spinning eddy of destruction (again maybe the movie mogul). Then there's the sexually ambiguous Bret, could be a man's name, could be a woman's name. For me it will always bring up visions of Brett Somers (yeah I know an extra t but, whatever...and yes it belies my age, again, whatever) in Match Game--double entendres and sexual innuendo galore, I really miss 70's game shows.
All that being said, here then is my short list for best hurricane names for the coming season:
Hazel (I had an aunt Hazel--trust me it works)
Gabriel (what better than an archangel)
Xena (yes warrior princess--damaging storm)
Agnes (good German name--witchy mother-in-law)
Edward (yes--F*** you Twilight!)
Zeus (if it's fear of a god you want)
Bertha (just rings big and bad--luuvv it! thank you SO)
That's my list and I stand by it. If your name is on this list, well, sorry (not really), and you can always change it legally, or just embrace it and put it on a t-shirt.
cheers
Last posts trivia answer: shockingly it won the Oscar for Best Screenplay--which is odd considering of the majority of the dialogue is the little boy running around yelling "Balon! Balon!"
This posts trivia question: What was the most powerful recorded hurricane in the Atlantic Ocean?
Let's start with Cindy, yes Cindy, that's not a storm, that's the youngest child on the Brady Bunch or the girl selling cookies down the street. It's bright, sunny, cheery and skipping down the sidewalk, not blowing the shutters off your house. Or Tammy, that's a 60's beach babe from a Frankie and Annette movie, I mean why not just call one Gidget for God's sake. And Ophelia, depressing, unless your a Shakespeare fanatic, or goth girl with a penchant for black and Lilith fair. Then there's Maria, if there are that many storms this year and it's a bad one, no one will ever be able to watch The Sound of Music
again, not to mention to unfortunate field day newsmen would have with nuns singing "(How Do You Solve A Problem Like) Maria". Then there's every Catholic girl in South America who will be totally offended. Ugh, the guy names, Philippe, granted it could bring up visions of a rude French guy with a penchant for cigarettes and not bathing. Or for folks like me you might think Ryan Phillippe, the guy who broke Reese Witherspoon's heart, or maybe that's just me. Franklin, that's a geeky kid with skinny arms and legs who spends too much time at the library avoiding the sun. Hey I'm Don, a smarmy car salesman who wants to glad hand you into a lemon, not a powerful storm ravaging your town. Harvey, a giant invisible rabbit, a wallbanger of a drink, a scary movie mogul (ok maybe that one does work) but not a spinning eddy of destruction (again maybe the movie mogul). Then there's the sexually ambiguous Bret, could be a man's name, could be a woman's name. For me it will always bring up visions of Brett Somers (yeah I know an extra t but, whatever...and yes it belies my age, again, whatever) in Match Game--double entendres and sexual innuendo galore, I really miss 70's game shows. All that being said, here then is my short list for best hurricane names for the coming season:
Hazel (I had an aunt Hazel--trust me it works)
Gabriel (what better than an archangel)
Xena (yes warrior princess--damaging storm)
Agnes (good German name--witchy mother-in-law)
Edward (yes--F*** you Twilight!)
Zeus (if it's fear of a god you want)
Bertha (just rings big and bad--luuvv it! thank you SO)
That's my list and I stand by it. If your name is on this list, well, sorry (not really), and you can always change it legally, or just embrace it and put it on a t-shirt.
cheers
Last posts trivia answer: shockingly it won the Oscar for Best Screenplay--which is odd considering of the majority of the dialogue is the little boy running around yelling "Balon! Balon!"
This posts trivia question: What was the most powerful recorded hurricane in the Atlantic Ocean?
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