Ok so the title says it all for me but lets just break it down a bit. Take five minutes of "Lord of the Rings", 10 minutes of the battle sequence from Tim Burton's "Alice In Wonderland", 15 minutes of fantasy creatures from "The Chronicles of Narnia", then throw in the soundtrack from "Far and Away" and the visual grittiness of say "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves" meets "Excalibur" and you've got this movie that is still 2 hours too long.
I would go into detail about the plot but seriously if there is anyone out there who doesn't know how this story goes then get yourself to the kids section at your local library....AND READ A BOOK! Now back to the movie. I know this is a fantasy and you have to suspend belief in some things but...Kristen Stewart is pretty and all but the fairest of them all over Charlize Theron...what is this a land of 12 year old "Twilight" fans? Plus she's been locked in the tower for 10 years or so then why isn't her hair all matted and why aren't her clothes all tattered and torn and why is she wearing leather pants and shoes for gods sake...she's locked in a tower!! I can say they didn't clean her fingernails but that's about the only realism you'll get here.
Universal tried to push this movie as some action adventure but all the action was pretty much shown in the trailers the rest is all talky talky and sloooowwww. Basically they've tried to trick all the guys into seeing it with the action trailers but now that you know you've seen them all in the trailers you can skip it. They also tried to put this up as some Snow White romance but there is absolutely no chemistry between her and the huntsman or even between her and her supposed childhood love William--it was just a lot of awkwardness. It also wasn't true loves kiss from the huntsman that really woke her up because he was lamenting and feeling true love for his dead wife not Snow. The only real romance in the movie seemed to be between Queen Ravenna and her brother and if that is a turn on for you then...ugh...get yourself to some therapy...now. And did I mention it was slow and boring because if I didn't then well....IT WAS SLOW AND BORING...you have been warned.
Maybe, just maybe, one small saving grace in the film was the spectacular scenery chewing done by Charlize Theron as Queen Ravenna. I haven't seen craptacular over-acting like that since Faye Dunaway in "Mommie Dearest", bless her heart. It was over the top, tackily brilliant in the most fabulous way and drag queens everywhere should be copying her wardrobe and attitude. I will also give props to the special effects as they seven dwarfs, yes they are here, were played by full size mostly known actors and they made them look like dwarfs, though I have to wonder could they not find any real life little people actors to play these roles? If the "Wizard of Oz" can populate an entire city surely the producers could have found 7 who needed a job.
Universals marketing did pay-off as the movie raked in nearly $60 million in the US on its first weekend and another $40 million in the rest of the world. Because of this they are already considering a sequel and my only question is why? Where can you possibly go with this story? I realize that Universal is desperate for hit after the massive bomb that was "Battleship", but can't they just be happy with the money it will make, leave it alone and come up with some new idea? Yeah I know I'm asking a lot, I mean Hollywood rarely comes up with something new, they just rehash, remake, re-imagine, reboot and remain in their own little world.
If all of this doesn't dissuade you from waiting until this thing hits dvd then at least do me the favor and see it in a discount matinee and be sure to take a very large caffeinated drink with you--at a full 2 hours and 5 minutes (felt like 3) you are going to need it.
I would go into detail about the plot but seriously if there is anyone out there who doesn't know how this story goes then get yourself to the kids section at your local library....AND READ A BOOK! Now back to the movie. I know this is a fantasy and you have to suspend belief in some things but...Kristen Stewart is pretty and all but the fairest of them all over Charlize Theron...what is this a land of 12 year old "Twilight" fans? Plus she's been locked in the tower for 10 years or so then why isn't her hair all matted and why aren't her clothes all tattered and torn and why is she wearing leather pants and shoes for gods sake...she's locked in a tower!! I can say they didn't clean her fingernails but that's about the only realism you'll get here.
Universal tried to push this movie as some action adventure but all the action was pretty much shown in the trailers the rest is all talky talky and sloooowwww. Basically they've tried to trick all the guys into seeing it with the action trailers but now that you know you've seen them all in the trailers you can skip it. They also tried to put this up as some Snow White romance but there is absolutely no chemistry between her and the huntsman or even between her and her supposed childhood love William--it was just a lot of awkwardness. It also wasn't true loves kiss from the huntsman that really woke her up because he was lamenting and feeling true love for his dead wife not Snow. The only real romance in the movie seemed to be between Queen Ravenna and her brother and if that is a turn on for you then...ugh...get yourself to some therapy...now. And did I mention it was slow and boring because if I didn't then well....IT WAS SLOW AND BORING...you have been warned.
Maybe, just maybe, one small saving grace in the film was the spectacular scenery chewing done by Charlize Theron as Queen Ravenna. I haven't seen craptacular over-acting like that since Faye Dunaway in "Mommie Dearest", bless her heart. It was over the top, tackily brilliant in the most fabulous way and drag queens everywhere should be copying her wardrobe and attitude. I will also give props to the special effects as they seven dwarfs, yes they are here, were played by full size mostly known actors and they made them look like dwarfs, though I have to wonder could they not find any real life little people actors to play these roles? If the "Wizard of Oz" can populate an entire city surely the producers could have found 7 who needed a job.
Universals marketing did pay-off as the movie raked in nearly $60 million in the US on its first weekend and another $40 million in the rest of the world. Because of this they are already considering a sequel and my only question is why? Where can you possibly go with this story? I realize that Universal is desperate for hit after the massive bomb that was "Battleship", but can't they just be happy with the money it will make, leave it alone and come up with some new idea? Yeah I know I'm asking a lot, I mean Hollywood rarely comes up with something new, they just rehash, remake, re-imagine, reboot and remain in their own little world.
If all of this doesn't dissuade you from waiting until this thing hits dvd then at least do me the favor and see it in a discount matinee and be sure to take a very large caffeinated drink with you--at a full 2 hours and 5 minutes (felt like 3) you are going to need it.
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